Thoughts from the Couch

    • Thoughts From The Couch – The lost self

      I am always aware when clients first come to therapy that they bring with them the ways they have learnt to survive in the world, as a result of their upbringing and life experiences. So often, I see clients who are living with the consequences of having lost the ability …Read More
    • Thoughts From The Couch – In the beginning

      Over the past few years I have noticed an increase in the number of couples looking for pre marital counselling. Although statistics show that around 50% of marriages end in divorce, divorce rates are at their lowest levels in over forty years.There are various reasons suggested and more than likely …Read More
    • Thoughts from the Couch – Holding hope through hopelessness

      Hopelessness is an emotion which is characterised by a lack of optimism, passion and hope. It makes us wonder if life is worth living. I understand that there are times when my role, as their therapist, is to hold my clients losses, hurt, fears and despair, shouldering the burden of …Read More
    • Thoughts from the Couch – The many voices of silence.

      For many, when they think of psychotherapy they think of talking, but sometimes, words seem woefully inadequate. The pain, the shame, the experience, too extreme for it to be simplified or minimised by words.Not speaking and speaking are both human ways of being in the world, but speaking seems to …Read More
    • Thoughts From the Couch – Finding our way home through poetry

      Whether working in individual, couples or group therapy I see no two persons as the same. Research shows that neither the minds nor the bodies of two people work in exactly the same way and that we all learn differently. Over the years, I have learnt to be flexible enough …Read More
    • Thoughts from the Couch – The Shame of Loneliness

        Historians will be writing about this strange period of time for the rest of the 21st century. Many of us will emerge changed as this pandemic proves to be much more than a health crisis, more, it is a human, economic and social crisis. Our lives have shrunk beyond …Read More
    • Thoughts From the Couch – When therapists also need therapists

      I believe that a therapist needs to be willing to do their own work when necessary and it was with this in mind that I recently decided to find myself a therapist. Over the past few months I have been dealing with clients as well as family and friends who …Read More
    • Thoughts from the Couch – The Sins of Parents

      There are things that happened, or didn’t, in childhood that seriously impacted the way some of us think about ourselves and the way we have lived our lives. We often, unconsciously, live out the core beliefs, we have come to know so well, based on our childhood experiences. For most …Read More
    • Thoughts from the Couch – Adapting to a New Way

      The world feels very strange right now, it is changing fast and we have no idea how it will play out. If we were to cast our minds back to the beginning of the year, none of us would have believed that, within a few weeks, our lives would be …Read More
    • Thoughts from the Couch – Physical Touch in Self Isolation

      From the time we are on the womb through our elderly years, touch plays a primary role in our development and physical and mental well-being. For those abiding by the current social distancing guidelines and living alone, hugs, a pat on the back, a caress of the arm, these everyday, …Read More
    • Thoughts From The Couch – Life with less FOMO

      The word FOMO (fear of missing out),was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013; ’Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.’ These emotions pouring through our souls, starting with a pang of envy, and rapidly followed …Read More
    • Thoughts From The Couch – Permission to Struggle

      With millions of people the world over entering isolation to fight against the spread of Coronavirus COVID19, the need for positivity becomes even more critical, but spare a thought for those who are struggling with the discomfort of not feeling positive. A lot of the disruption that’s resulting from COVID-19 …Read More
    • Thoughts From The Couch – Meditation

      When we are going through hard times we need a way to guide ourselves and find ways to steadily carry the lamp of calm and hope for ourselves and others. We as humans have always been tested. Generations before us have gone through war, depression, epidemics and famines. As the …Read More
    • Thoughts From the Couch – Let’s Talk About Death

      Thoughts from the Couch – Let’s Talk About Death  As we are facing the global pandemic that is the most challenging crisis we have faced since the second world war, papers are filled with the numbers of people who have died. As I write this a total of 4,313 people …Read More
    • Thoughts From The Couch – Grief & Loss

      In the space of a month, the United Kingdom has changed beyond recognition. British life has been transformed dramatically, and so fast that none of us have really had time to dwell on it and the nation are still adjusting to a systemic shock. There have been many comparisons to …Read More
    • When Home Is Not Your Haven

      Click image to enlarge As we find our way through this pandemic let us take a moment to consider those for whom being at home does not offer safety, but the living hell of domestic violence. The experience of being in enforced isolation with an abuser, at this time, when …Read More
    • Together – let’s not let the Corona Virus take us down

      It would not be true to let anyone believe that just because I am psychotherapist I have mastered fear and anxiety in all situations. Like many, I am feeling an under current of anxiety, as the world around me feels more unstable than I have ever known it as an …Read More
    • What is EMDR

      As a therapist most of my clients develop a cognitive understanding of the roots of their unhappiness. In some cases this is the solution they have been looking for, but in some cases, part of the affective element of their initial problem has remained. I use EMDR as a solution …Read More
    • Let us take care of each other

      In the 1950’s Naomi Shihab wrote : A man crosses the street in the rain, stepping gently, looking two times north and south, because his son is asleep on his shoulder. No car must splash him. No car drive too near to his shadow. This man carries the world’s most …Read More
    • Don’t turn away

      Jeff Brown speaks beautifully about how much easier it is to not stay present to those who are struggling especially if they highlight our own struggle. He writes ‘Those who have suffered the most will be our greatest teachers. It has been so artificial for so long, that we need …Read More
    • Kindness

      As a therapist I use many different ways to support my clients to give voice to their stories. My personal love of poetry allows me to use a creative model that can help open up alternative avenues for conversation. The use of poetry for therapeutic purposes goes back many years …Read More
    • Never, ever give up

      In the pitch-black night, stung by jellyfish, choking on salt water, singing to herself, hallucinating … Diana Nyad just kept on swimming. And that’s how she finally achieved her lifetime goal as an athlete: an extreme 100-mile swim from Cuba to Florida — at age 64. Hear her story.Read More
    • Trauma & Therapy

      I was privileged to be asked to work yesterday with a group who had been directly involved in the recent terrorist attack in Borough Market. With one of my specialities being that of a Trauma Therapist, I am continuously reminded of the resilience of the human spirit and how, sometimes …Read More
    • Understanding Transference In Relationships

      Transference is a dynamic that most couples are unaware of and when I work with couples it is something that we explore that most find useful. www.thebookoflife.org explains perfectly how transference plays out in relationships. ‘You’re flicking through a fashion magazine and playfully suggest that your partner might want to …Read More
    • A letter from a father to a son – Ted Hughes to his son Nicholas

      Dear Nick, I hope things are clearing. It did cross my mind, last summer, that you were under strains of an odd sort. I expect, like many another, you’ll spend your life oscillating between fierce relationships that become tunnel traps, and sudden escapes into wide freedom when the whole world …Read More
    • Couples workshop in September 2016

      I am excited to announce that myself and a colleague will be holding a couples workshop on the 17th – 18th September in Richmond, London. This workshop will be non residential and for a maximum of five couples. The purpose of the workshop is to give couples an opportunity to …Read More
    • Shall We Talk?

      In our society fewer and fewer people grow up seeing a strong relationship modelled between their own parents and so it comes as no surprise that it is not because of incompatibility that many marriages break down, but because the couple have no idea what it takes to make their …Read More
    • How motherhood challenges us to let go of control and love unconditionally

      In a Bill Plotkin workshop many years ago, I recall him saying that ” there are two kinds of spiritual practice, one is parenting and the other is everything else!” It took me a while to understand what he meant. But then I got it. As a mum of six …Read More
    • How does your survival suit impact your relationships?

      What I have come to learn from my work with couples is that what often disconnects us is our reactive survival dance. Each of us has learnt a way of protecting ourselves that is rather like putting on a survival suit.  Some of us resemble a turtle by our behaviour …Read More
    • Why don’t more people talk about sex and grief?

      Katrina Taee broaches the topic that so many counsellors/therapists find hard to do – Sex & Grief. She writes :- ‘I think most people would agree that sex appears to be everywhere these days. It’s on book shelves in newsagents, on television, in popular books (think 50 Shades of Grey), …Read More